How to deal with the loneliness of leadership
“It’s lonely at the top.”
I have the privilege of working with many exceptional and aspirational leaders all over the world. Each experiences their unique journey, but many share the common challenges arising from the isolation of leadership. I wonder, how many of you ...
spend almost all your time doing the nitty gritty of the job and practically none thinking, reflecting and planning for the development of your business, team or yourself?
continually feel exhausted and find your MOJO waning, if not extinguished altogether, yet you're still expected to be inspiring and motivating to everyone else?
feel compelled to squeeze in several extra hours working each day so nothing slips, gets forgotten or screws up?
lack consistent and constructive feedback on your personal performance?
believe that sharing your weaknesses, setbacks, mistakes and early ideas with others will make you appear vulnerable and weak, so you say nothing and receive nothing?
ultimately worry someone is going to find out that you're not as great as you're supposed to be?
While it might be lonely at the top, you're not the only leader facing these challenge. Several years ago, RHR International published results of their 'A CEO Snapshot Survey' and found that:
"The intensity of the CEO’s job, coupled with the scarcity of peers to confide in, creates potentially dangerous feelings of isolation among chief executives. Fifty percent of all CEOs report experiencing loneliness in the role, and of this group, 61% believe that the isolation hinders their performance.
First-time CEOs are particularly susceptible to this isolation, with nearly 70% of those who experience loneliness saying it negatively affects their ability to do their jobs. Nearly half of all CEOs estimate that most other leaders experience similar feelings of loneliness."
Loneliness doesn't have to be a by-product of leadership you just have to accept. Here are a few tips to help you stave off loneliness and allow you to become the best version of you.
✅ Look for experience in others. Can you identify someone you admire who has successfully transversed a similar professional journey? Is this someone who could act as a mentor or confidant for you? Someone who can help you lift your mind above the weeds and allow you to think and plan more strategically. Someone who can offer you their wisdom and insights, without getting caught up in the ‘politics’ of the job.
✅ Find the right coach. Look for a qualified Leadership Coach who has experience working with leaders like you. A strong coach is going to help you accelerate your personal growth and development, and in so doing, enhance the performance of your business. Through quality coaching you will achieve many things, including gaining new perspectives, building enhanced relationships, creating new ways of responding, as well as increasing your confidence and self-awareness. Look for a coach accredited through a reputable global body such as the International Coaching Federation (ICF), review their client references and spend some time talking with them to make sure the fit is right before you get started. A good coach can be an absolute game-changer, so you'll want to get the relationship right from the start.
✅ Maximise opportunities created by your organization. Sharing with peers who are working in similar situations, who understand what you’re dealing with and what you’re trying to achieve, can immeasurably help to relieve your sense of isolation. Ideally, you should be able to confide and collaborate with other leaders in your organization. However, building the required levels of trust and rapport can take more time than you currently have available. One way to fast track this process is by actively engaging in company organized senior leadership training and development events. Here you’ll have the opportunity to connect with colleagues who share similar challenges and frustrations and already understand the system you’re working in. Instead of waiting for the organization to create reasons to re-connect, take the bull by the horns and lead the efforts to keep everyone in touch. By doing so you can create a powerful peer advisory group with whom you can share ideas, issues, problem solving and potentially feedback on your own performance within the organization.
✅ Look afield for your flock. Sometimes you need to look outside your existing resources to find the right group of people who can lift you up to become your best self. A group with whom you can safely explore your challenges, will push you out of your comfort zone and help you take action. Often you can find your flock through existing business networks. Start attending their events, workshops, lectures, etc. Ask questions and find ways to get involved in the larger conversations, as well as those along the sideline. You might need to kiss a few proverbial frogs before you find the right group for you, but the more effort you make the more likely you’ll find exactly what you need.
With 70% of new CEOs saying that loneliness in leadership is affecting their ability to do the job to the best of their ability, we must wonder what kind of amazingness they could create if they had each other's support. You might also be lonely up there in those heady heights of leadership, but if you just look around you’ll find you’re not alone. What kind of amazingness is waiting for you?
If you'd like to know more about the development and transformation services we provide for ambitious, purpose-led leaders, business owners, advocates and changemakers, please visit www.rubyredcoaching.com.
